I love that my girl is so stunning but I hate when I see/hear guys talking about her in a sexual way.










When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging

(via sarcastit)



She’s so hot


(Source: chrisjericho, via sarcastit)



In 10 or 11 years when she gets the joke, she’s gonna love this photo.

How long do you think it takes a child to learn how to read

(via takemetoalice)


my neighbors parked their car in front of mine I think they are sending a message

(via takemetoalice)



Disneyland Resort by Jeff Granito:)

Here’s his site - http://www.jeffgranitodesigns.com/

(via handxshake)


finally a career for me


(Source: trust, via b-r-o-o-k-l-y-n-b-o-u-n-d)


Bc I wanna do the 6 old selfies thing too

My girl is cute pt2


Doing my makeup selfies wbu

My girl is hot


when people try to argue with you about something you clearly know more about

(via ruinedchildhood)

A kid came into Starbucks today with his dad and he had an Iron Man tshirt on and this is what happened:

  • Kid: hello, can I give you my pennies for a chocolate please?
  • Me: of course you can, though I'd much rather have your tshirt.
  • Kid: it won't fit you.
  • Me: are you sure? It looks like it might be my size y'know.
  • Kid: *starts taking off his tshirt*
  • His dad: haha, come on, give the lovely lady your pennies instead.
  • Kid: but she wants my tshirt dad.
  • His dad: no she doesn't, she's only kidding.
  • Me: no, I really do want his tshirt.
  • His dad: hahaha here, how much is it? 1.60?
  • Me: yeah, please.
  • His dad: give her the pennies and say thankyou to the nice lady, bobby.
  • Kid: there you go, thankyou.
  • Me: that's okay, cya later, enjoy your chocolate.
  • My boss: you're great with the kids in here.
  • Me: no, I hate kids I really did just want his tshirt.
  • My boss: *looks at me like i'm mental and walks off*


He is literally so done with that conversation

(Source: doloresjaneumbridge, via kissmysasshole)

(Source: ldarknessl, via kissmysasshole)

I can’t stand the people that give our hardcore scene such a bad name.